Don’t Stare. Don’t Blink.

Imagine having a company policy about how long you’re allowed to look at someone.  Just think about that.  Maybe you have a few guys here or there that like to stare when that coworker of yours comes in wearing a skirt that’s a size too small for her.  Or maybe you have those socially awkward men with have intense gazes who never break eye-contact when they’re speaking.  Or maybe you have employees that actually look at people when they start talking.  Well, I hope you enjoyed it while it lasted!  Welcome to #metoo! Continue reading “Don’t Stare. Don’t Blink.”

Women’s March 2018: The Sequel is DOA

Remember the Women’s March?  It was that thing that happened last year where about a half a million women descended on Washington, DC, shrilly reiterating the same talking points they’ve been blandly screeching about for the last thirty years.  Remember how they had Linda Sasour, hijab-wearing defender of Sharia law, help orchestrate this march for so-called women’s liberation in the United States, where women are allowed to hold jobs, drive, and—for some godforsaken reason—even vote, and all without having to cover their faces?  Remember the incredible media buzz it created, with talking heads and major outlets tweeting about it nonstop, completely eclipsing the anti-abortion March for Life that happened practically the next day, which drew comparable numbers of attendees?  And oh, do you remember how this Women’s March was supposed to spark a year of anti-Trump protests organized with the zeal and vigor of a new peaceful revolutionary movement?  It was supposed to be the call to action that united the people to stand against hate: a spark that lights the fire that burns the fuel that ignites the metaphor of the First Order, or something like that.  Continue reading “Women’s March 2018: The Sequel is DOA”

The Last Jedi is a Failure, Part 5 – The Mouse Is Hungry

This has been an overlong analysis, but now it finally pays off.  What was the purpose of this film?  Why was it actually made, and why was it made so seemingly incompetently?  What did Disney hope to gain from it all?  Was it just a marketing endeavor?  Was the virtue signalling just the cherry on top?  Not exactly.  The Mouse is a bit more sinister than that. Continue reading “The Last Jedi is a Failure, Part 5 – The Mouse Is Hungry”

HELLOOOOO 2018

2017, a year that opened with something of a bang, seems to have ended with a dull sigh.  True, there are still people getting killed in Syria, Iran is have some sort of mild civil unrest, and our Fat Little Dictator from that One Asian Peninsula has been waving around his nuclear weapons once a month, but at this point, very little of any of this is outside the realm of the norm.  About the only thing that’s been a surprise has been France’s slow and steady realization that the mysterious centrist candidate they elected in order to avoid “their version of Donald Trump” is turning out to be someone who has an even more radical position on immigration and ethno-centrism than Le Pen had initially suggested. Continue reading “HELLOOOOO 2018”

James Cameron Really, Really Likes Women

James Cameron, acclaimed director of movies you’ve probably already seen and probably already liked, took to the stage recently to promote a rerelease of Terminator 2: Judgement Day.  For those who haven’t seen it, it’s an insightful coming-of-age film about a troubled boy searching desperately for a father figure after his single mom has been institutionalized for believing in scary time-traveling robots.  Also, it stars Arnold Schwarzenegger as a robotic, disposable male, Robert Patrick as an evil faceless cop, Linda Hamilton as the psychotic mom, and Ed Furlong as the juvenile delinquent.  The movie is considered by many to be better than its predecessor, and indeed, one of the best films of the 1990s—something of a modern American classic, where every problem is solved with car chases, explosions, and expensive showdowns in urban, industrialized environments where humor consists of little more than shallow one-liners. Continue reading “James Cameron Really, Really Likes Women”

Wolverine, the MCU, and What Comic Book Movies Have Become

Marvel’s Cinematic Universe is dog shit.  I’ve been working intermittently on a series of posts about it for about a year at this point, but I keep returning to the same fundamental problem.  There’s nothing there.  Almost every movie is the same movie, and every one of them sucks.

But how did we get here?  Is the MCU the logical continuation of the general trends in the comic book movie genre?  Do they reflect the prevailing interests and entertainment needs of society at large, do they cater to the lowest common denominator?  If they do, what’s changed, if anything? Continue reading “Wolverine, the MCU, and What Comic Book Movies Have Become”

A Manly Film About Adolescent Trash – Logan (James Mangold, 2017)

In a time when the movie industry seems to stay afloat according to two extremes and very little middle ground, it’d be nice if a movie were to come along—like the ones from the old times—that had a little something for everyone in it.  Logan is not this movie.  Yet Logan doesn’t completely exist at either end of Hollywood’s extremes, either. Continue reading “A Manly Film About Adolescent Trash – Logan (James Mangold, 2017)”

The 2016 Death List

It’s over.  Liberals can, at last, breathe out a sigh of relief.  2016 can’t kill any more of their decadent dreams, debauched celebrity heroes, and media trustworthiness.  Everywhere, they disowned 2016—crying out in a voice dissimilar only in accent to their ugly English-reject comedian’s haughtiness, “it’s the current year, b-but, the current year sucks!  I mean, come on!”  2016 took with it their trust in the media pundits, their faith in a system that had been slanted in their favor for years, their ideologically purity of candidate Bernie Sanders and, later, the historical certainty, the fairness, of candidate Hillary Clinton.  It robbed them of the satisfaction that the last eight years of direct cultural warfare under President Obama had tried to tell them they deserved.  It laughed at their attempts to secure moral high grounds and shocked them when they realized that ironic anonymous internet trolls had better senses of humor than they did—or, even, that these trolls had senses of humor at all!  And of course, in its passing, 2016 took a long list of celebrities that many of the more shallow among us modeled our public opinions after. Continue reading “The 2016 Death List”

Emasculation of Entertainment: In the Heart of the Sea (Ron Howard, 2015)

With the propping up of the movie industry on massively over-funded summer blockbuster films, Hollywood pushes itself further into the brink of collapse.  Disney’s string of hugely successful action movies, including the MCU and Star Wars, in addition to their animated endeavors, seem to be setting the tone for an industry lacking in anything resembling a creative drive.  What happened to that drive?  Did Hollywood lose its balls sometime in the 1980s?  Is the development of the PG-13 rating to blame?  Is the misplaced hope that huge movies will reap huger successes misdirecting studios to invest too heavily in tent pole franchises instead of diversifying and increasing their output with smaller but more numerous films?  I can’t claim to answer any of these questions.  All I can say is that Hollywood has no teeth left at all, and Ron Howard’s 2015 castrated somnambulant of a film In the Heart of the Sea really drives that home. Continue reading “Emasculation of Entertainment: In the Heart of the Sea (Ron Howard, 2015)”

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